The first small step
by tamariskie
Summary: A bit of A/U within episode 6x16, Violets, because Pike does not exist in the Mentalist universe inside my head. Lisbon takes advantage of the night spent on the undercover assignment in the party house to try to start Jane on a path to healing. Disclaimer (because I forgot to put it in the story itself): I own nothing! Upping the rating to K plus since chapter 2 has a bad word.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - from the moment I saw the promo pics for Violets, I had hopes that a scene along these lines would take place. Since it didn't, I played it out in my head for entertainment and to console me after what really happened in the episode. I tried to write it down in hopes that it may entertain others as well. My first fanfic ever and I am not much of a writer. The story is short and not very descriptive largely because I don't really know how to do this. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. :-)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, and I am sure it is better that way.**

After checking in with the FBI for the night, Lisbon came down the stairs of the party house. She was dressed for bed but too hungry to try to sleep. Approaching the back of the living room couch, she found Jane stretched out and asleep. She paused a moment, looking at her friend before picking up a throw blanket and covering him with it. She let her hand linger on his shoulder as she smoothed the blanket in place. She then headed to the kitchen in search of something to eat.

Lisbon returned to the living room awhile later, satiated enough that she could go to bed without hunger pangs keeping her awake. Once again, she walked past the couch where Jane slept and once again, she paused to look at him. Of course, she'd seen him sleep on couches hundreds of times. She'd always wondered how he could sleep that way, particularly since he always kept his jacket and shoes on. Watching him on this particular night, she found herself getting bothered by it. It seemed like a symptom of a much bigger problem in Jane's life. Like he refused to allow himself to get too comfortable, to feel complacent or safe or even happy. It was understandable to some extent. The last time Jane had reached a point where he felt those things, Red John came along and took it all away. What happened to Jane's family was a tragedy of course, and there was nothing that could fix it. But the path Jane's life had taken since then often struck Lisbon as tragic as well. He lived a life full of guilt, fear, and pain. And even now, two and a half years after Red John's death, he continued to rob Jane of a normal life. Maybe there was something that could be done about that. No doubt it would be a long process, but it only needed one small step to get started. Maybe Lisbon could help him through that first small step.

Taking a deep breath, Lisbon walked around to the front of the couch and knelt down in front of Jane. She gathered her courage and pat the back of Jane's hand a couple of times, trying to wake him. He moved a little, but didn't wake up. Lisbon sighed. Her nerves were already rattled – waking Jane up had never been a particularly smart thing to do. But she moved onward. Picking up his left hand in both of hers, she tugged on it gently.

"Jane…Patrick."

It worked. He opened his eyes and looked at her, confused. Lisbon continued to tug on his hand and plowed ahead before she had time to lose her nerve.

"Come upstairs with me."

Now Jane looked even more confused. "Why?" he asked.

"I…" Lisbon trailed off, at a loss over how to explain. She decided to try a tactic that Jane had successfully used on her in the past.

"I just need you to trust me on this. Please?"

Jane still looked confused, but he allowed Lisbon to help him to his feet and lead him upstairs. She held on to his hand the whole time and led him into the room where she planned on sleeping that night. Once inside, she moved behind him and slipped his jacket off of him and laid it on an armchair in the room. She sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for Jane to do the same. So far, so good, but in order to continue, she was going to have to try to alleviate some of Jane's confusion.

"When you were trying to get away from the FBI, so you could keep the appointment you made to meet Bertram at the chapel, do you know why we were all willing to step in and do whatever it took to clear a path for you?"

Jane silently shook his head "no."

Lisbon continued, "I meant what I said when I told you that our team was a family. Whether you wanted it or not, you were a part of it. We cared about you and what we wanted most for you was healing from what you'd been through. For years, we watched while the most you accomplished was distracting yourself from the pain. Never a sign of any healing. We came to believe that your best chance of finding peace was by completing your mission. So we did what we could to make that happen.

But now, more years have passed and nothing has really changed. The continued falling asleep on couches is just one of the things that tells me that you're still stuck. If you're not going to start this process yourself…I think it's time for you to be pushed."

Lisbon paused for a moment to let that sink in, and then continued, "I want you to sleep in this bed with me tonight." As a look of alarm passed across Jane's face, she quickly added, "Don't get the wrong idea. The 'with me' part is only because if I'm going to push you, I will never leave you to get through it alone." Lisbon looked Jane right in his eyes as she said, "The only expectation I have, is that you don't run away. Okay? It's just me. There's nothing for you to be scared of. There's nothing for you to feel guilty for."

Jane still wasn't saying anything, and Lisbon was pretty surprised. She was starting to think it may have been a smart move to wake Jane after all. He kind of looked like he was willing to take whichever choice got him back to sleep faster. After a moment, he nodded in agreement. Lisbon let out a sigh of relief. "Do you have something more comfortable to sleep in?" she asked. Jane nodded again. "OK. I'm going to go brush my teeth. You can get changed in here while I'm gone."

When Lisbon returned to the bedroom a few minutes later, Jane was already in bed and under the covers. He had actually gotten changed, or at least as far as she could see so far. He was lying on his back, on the side of the bed furthest from the bedroom door. Lisbon slid under the covers next to him and laid on her right side, facing him. Softly, she asked, "Do you want me close to you or do you want space?" Jane silently reached for Lisbon's left hand. He laid both of their hands in the space between them and then released his hold. Lisbon closed her eyes, a little nervous even though things were going well so far. She didn't even realize she'd begun tracing Jane's palm with her fingertips. Just as she was about to drift off, she felt Jane's hand close around hers again. Startled, she propped herself up on her right elbow, concerned she had done something wrong. Jane tugged gently on her hand. Eyes closed, he murmured one word, the first word he'd spoken since Lisbon had led him upstairs.

"Closer."

Lisbon smiled and moved closer to Jane's side. He let go of her hand and reached around her, running his hand through her hair a couple of times. Lisbon laid back down with her head on Jane's shoulder. She couldn't help but wonder if he wanted her closer because he was unnerved by what they were doing, until his next words put her mind at ease.

"Don't drool on me."

Lisbon smiled again. He was fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to all who wrote reviews to my first attempt at fanfic writing. I especially want to thank MentalistLover13 who gave me ideas for two more chapters. In return, I invite you to join me once again in my Pike-free AU, still taking place inside the Violets episode. I will be making an attempt at a 3rd chapter at some point. Hopefully this will provide a respite for us tortured souls watching the insanity unfold during what could be the final episodes of the show.**

Jane awoke a few hours later and it took him a moment to figure out where he was. It was dark in the room, except for the light of a nearby clock that read 2:15. He looked next to him and was able to make out that Lisbon was asleep with her head on his arm. Then he remembered. The undercover mission. The party house. He remembered lying down on the couch while he was waiting for Lisbon to get ready for bed and check in with their coworkers for the night. He was looking forward to spending a night in the same house as Lisbon, hoping the time together be a step on the path towards getting their relationship back to the way it was before he'd left for South America. He missed how comfortable they used to be with each other.

He hadn't intended to fall asleep, but setting up the undercover mission had made the day chaotic and exhausting. If he had woken up on the couch downstairs, he would have been kicking himself for blowing the opportunity to spend some time alone with Lisbon. But he wasn't still downstairs. Lisbon had woken him up. He had still been half asleep as she explained why she wanted him to join her, but her message had come across. She was concerned about him. She cared about him. She wanted to help him start moving forward from the tragedy that had come to define him the last 13 years. She was willing to stay with him through the struggle of it all.

What was thoroughly amusing, though, is that Jane wasn't as stuck as Lisbon thought. He had set up a few of the details of the undercover mission with a similar purpose in mind. He had started to think about what he wanted the rest of his life to look like. Even if the next five years were dominated by FBI cases, he needed a plan for when that was over – assuming he managed to not get himself killed along the way. Did he really want to spend the rest of his life alone? He was growing weary of it. And the two years he'd spent in South America had really shown him how important Lisbon was to his life. He'd missed her so much it hurt. Writing the letters was the best he could do to alleviate the pain, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to hear her voice again, spend time with her, even touch her. Was he in love with her? Maybe. It wasn't something he'd really allowed himself to think about during the decade of hunting Red John. But he couldn't force himself to ignore the questions in his mind during the quiet isolation of his exile.

He still wasn't sure if he was really ready for this. He really didn't think he was ready to discuss it with Lisbon. So he'd set up a test run in the undercover mission. An evening where he could live the experience of being in a romantic relationship with her. Even the detail of being a dating couple instead of a married couple was deliberate, so he could see how he felt having his wedding ring off without everyone around him making a big deal out of it. And the strangest thing about it, was that it hadn't been strange at all. During the party, the "couple behavior" had felt so natural. The little touches in passing, an occasional arm around her waist, a kiss or two in her hair. God, she smelled great. The exact same smell he'd held in his memories during the countless empty hours of his two years in exile. When he'd felt lonely (which was often) he'd relive the good times he'd had with people he cared about. Most of the memories centered around Lisbon, but there were some that were of the whole team. He'd never intended to get attached to people again after what happened to his family, but to some extent, he couldn't help himself. He cared about them all. It warmed his heart to learn from Lisbon how dedicated they all had been to helping him. Even in the impossible situation of the stand-off with the FBI, guns drawn, they had fought for him. Even though it went completely against their responsibilities in law enforcement. And now, tonight, Lisbon lay sleeping beside him, for the sole purpose of getting his ass in gear, and letting him know that he didn't have to be alone for any of it. Who was he to deserve such dedication? He didn't know, but he was grateful for it even so. He still couldn't resist teasing her a little about her drooling, but he had felt her smile against his arm and she didn't hit him so it couldn't have been that bad. Jane made a decision – in the morning, he would tell her what was going on in his head. No more evasiveness. She deserved at least that.

Carefully, Jane turned on his side so he could watch Lisbon sleep. She stirred a bit when he moved and he took advantage of her movement to shift his arm so it was under her neck instead of her head. A lock of hair fell across her face. He gently smoothed it back and moved a little closer to her, letting his hand come to rest on her waist. He was close enough to feel her breath on his face. Lulled by her warmth and the slow rhythm of her breathing, Jane drifted back off to sleep.


End file.
